the most painful morning

Posted: October 3, 2010 in Romance

It’s the longest goodbye I ever had and the most painful one.

For the first time in my life, I shed tears and totally can’t hide the pain of saying it. The last few minutes with her at the airport was the longest goodbye I ever had and the most painful, heartbreaking morning I can’t hardly imagined of my entire life.

I had fear of falling in love because I am afraid that parting ways and letting go when it’s over is a matter of survival. From the previous years, I had played safely. Never did contemplated and always consider it as a stupid idea and believe only fools fall in love.

The day we had our first phone call was the start of something I haven’t expected. Instantly, she’s the most caring, thoughtful, sweetest girl I’d met and the only girl that I could not easily pleased on a lot of things I’m already used to.

After so many years, someone could say, I’ve finally met my match. No doubt.

I will miss her badly, recovering won’t be easy. Falling in love which I feared most has a lot of negative energies associated with it. But with her, she taught me a lot of it. I realized how it is being possessive and dismissed that negativity to make way for a healthy relationship. With her, I learnt how to handle jealousy and have trust with the girl you love most. I learnt how to overcome insecurities and felt secure whenever she’s away with me. She taught me how to appreciate little things and even simple ear whispers. She taught me how to love without conditions, fear nothing and wake up every morning with the sweetest smile all over.

But when she said, that I should always take care of myself while hugging me like it’s the last hug we could possibly have, when her tears started to fall, it feels like, this is the end of everything. Between immigration glasses and gates, we wave our goodbyes with a very heavy heart that I could barely walk myself out of the terminal. My tears are even falling while I am writing these, how silly I am, pity for myself for letting these things to happen.

I just can’t continue writing……


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