Re-Post: Lucid Reverie

Posted: April 17, 2009 in Friendships
Tags: ,

Am I already awake?

Yes I think so, because Here I am, staring at the wall again, not at the wall but to my laptop, no not at my laptop but to my wall posters, no not to them. Always alone in my room, my laptop in which also is my lampshade looks like staring blank at me as well. If he could only talk, he would surely ask me why am I having that look. Is it funny or scary? What a mess. I’ve been acting like this for several successive weeks now. I tried to keep myself busy on something, play these three of my favorite computer games, Max Payne shooting those bastards and throwing hand grenades, or walk into the jungle, run jump and carry out daredevil 360 degree stunts as Tomb Raider or pack-up and get my sniper’s rifle and AK47 while playing Far Cry or burn my head and read what’s coming next on world wide technology and then Google the rest that I don’t understand. Or watch anime, movie marathon or search and read blogs from popular sites and not so popular sites like mine. But still I can’t help myself. I keep on thinking on something I shouldn’t have. I’m only torturing myself to death. It’s a self-service torture actually if there are categories for tortures. I did bring this to myself so who’s to blame. No one has to be blame. Its me, damn. Why of all people, why it’s me again. I don’t like these, I certainly like it, but I don’t. This is really hard for me and when I look at it, I can’t fight it as its making me weak. I did ask my reflection in the mirror, why. You’re not supposed to be like these. Your freaking bastard acting like a silly teenager lurking into your dream prom night. Whew! If only my poster Ironman could talk, he would surely tell me exactly that I must be an Ironman like him, but now, he looks at me as Im a Cottonman instead or a JellyMan. What the hell. If these Bleach action figures could talk, they would tell me that I should be doing exactly as what they are doing, protecting your love ones and friends. What? That’s what exactly I am doing right? Maybe I’m still in a dream. A wild dream. I must wake up. Yeah, I must wake up and get up from my bed, go out of the room and go for a run. Wait, I’m already in my favorite adidas shoes. I’m already awake.

smilingcod1

Hmm I do remember, Do I have to play basketball today? Ahhh, now there is something wrong with me. My routine is starting to get shaken. It’s starting to be little not so normal.
Usually, I just get up from bed, prepare my basketball gears, have a quick hot shower then get into a cab that will bring me then to whichever place I agreed with to play. But now it’s different, someone dictates that I should get my iPhone first and send an SMS. SMS? To who? Am I sending SMS lately? Your kidding right? Damn! I should check my messages, opps there is something in here that looks like I’m sending messages to this number everyday. Everyday? Nahhh, this is not correct. I don’t sent SMS to any other people except for those whom I’m required to reply. I only SMS important people because of important reasons. I don’t SMS anybody I’m not sure I know. My iPhone is always silent all the time. I can still remember during those times in which my previous number is still active, SMS keeps coming from people I had met, with short live connections or relations with. But now, my life is a bit quite. There are some kinda like a habit that is then missing, but its ok, I’m sure I can survive it. That’s part of the change. Yeah speaking of change, change, change. Never mind, I shouldn’t think about it now. Ok, I’ll send message to whoever this name is. Wait, this is not some kind of a name, this looks like an alias or pseudonym, or a buddy name, or some kind of name soundly common for known people with ahhhh. I dunno. Whoever this is, maybe she is that really important to me, somebody who’s making my day, somebody maybe that I really care with, somebody that starting to become part of my daily life’s routine. If she’s not, why am I sending messages that frequent?

Sent.

text

Wait, there is surely something I missed. What’s the day today. I have my Friday casual dress hanging outside my clothing cabinet. Looks familiar. Pink colored polo shirt, pink socks and tight button-fly jeans. Am I going somewhere? Shit, what a headache. Anyway, it’s still pitch dark outside. I should better go back in bed and sleep a little bit more. Maybe when I wake up again, it will no longer be dark, and I’m pretty much aware of what I am doing. And maybe I will not ask why and who and what. Could somebody please turn off the light?

I need to wake up soon, hope I still can. No better I won’t.

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